Cheers: Essay Tips from the Maid of Honor
This weekend, one of my most-loved childhood friends got married, and I stood by her side as Maid of Honor. My role entailed organizing a bridal shower, keeping the bride fed and hydrated and, the most stressful portion: Giving a speech. The speech itself didn’t bother me (I love public speaking) but developing the content was tough. It’s a terrifying honor to be asked to speak on behalf of one of the people you love most during one of the most important days of her life. How could I possibly do justice to her and her new husband?
But, I managed it. With my job now done, and positive feedback received, I thought I’d share some tips with all of you.
1.) Topic and tale are not the same thing: When brainstorming began I thought, “What is a single story/moment/anecdote about Cait that is interesting and distinct and absolutely epitomizes Cait in every single way?” I hear similar musings from you. “Should I write about my parents’ divorce, or should I write about being a girl on the wrestling team?” Friends: we’re doing it wrong. We (admissions committees and wedding guests) don’t just want to hear an interesting story. We want to learn something about the person in question. Hold your horses on culling the last 18 years for your finest moment and take some time to reflect. The story shouldn't come first, the point should come first. So I pondered a while and realized one of the things I love most about Cait are her contradictions. I decided that’s what makes her fabulous (among other things, obviously) and the tales came tumbling down from the topic. You should do this, too. Reflect on what it is about your personality or worldview that is distinct. Are you sassy? Finicky? Focused? Energetic? Contrary? Reflective? Obsessive? Pick an attribute you’d like to convey, and let the story develop from there.
2.) Style is a blend of personal preference and circumstance: There is no perfect formula for style, but I think the ideal spot exists at the intersection of freedom and discretion. I like to think I’m adequately funny (or at least my mom tells me I am) and my tendency is to make jokes out of pretty much everything. But this isn't a stand-up routine, it’s a wedding speech. Circumstance dictates a certain level of sentimentality, a fair portion of misty-eyed, heartwarming gushing. I shot for a happy medium, and blended the two in a way that felt true to the speaker and the subject. You should endeavor to do the same by combining your authentic voice with the very general rules that govern essay writing (i.e.: a certain level of grammar and structure decorum).
3.) Audience matters: Have you read this article? It’s pretty interesting though, I’d argue, essays like these are incredibly rare. Shocking when you do see them, but super rare. Still, it’s a reminder to keep your audience in mind. Funny and interesting though Cait and I might find them, tales of ex-boyfriends and high school shenanigans were absent on her big day. Likewise, college essays should be void of the gory details of your romantic and personal lives. It’s a college essay, not The Bachelorette confession cam. You don’t need to overly censor yourself, but if all we get from your work is shock value, a crinkled nose and a quiet mutter of, “Awkward…” you've missed the mark.
4.) Solicit (and utilize) feedback thoughtfully: On this project, I worked with my fiancé (who knows me and the bride really well) and my brother (who is basically ready to go pro in wedding toasts). Their personalities are pretty different, and each worked as a great counter to me. And they were HUGELY helpful in putting this together. That said, I ignored more than half of their advice. Edits and feedback should help you see your work in a new way, consider methods of improvement, and understand how the content is processed by someone who is not you. So choose your second opinions wisely, limit the group to a small number, and use their feedback as a jumping off point, not as an ultimatum.
It’s been a mountain of a task but, in completing it, I've seen some parallels to your world. College applicants and I have been tasked with sharing something thoughtful, something personal, and something true completely in public for the scrutiny of strangers. It's a tall order, but a worthwhile endeavor for sure.