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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord was a gentleman and a scholar. He was also a diplomatic genius. He was foreign minister under Louis XVI - and also under more than five other regimes. He managed to stay in a position of power throughout the entirety of the French Revolution, defecting to Napoleon’s side early on. However, upon realizing that Napoleon’s days were numbered, he helped orchestrate Napoleon’s downfall and sided with the monarchy once again, supporting three new politically opposed kings. He represented France at the Congress of Vienna - an era-defining event that would stabilize Europe for almost a century - where he managed to negotiate an incredible deal for France, despite bringing almost nothing to the table but his charisma. The Congress never met in full. Instead, small committees, usually composed of the Big Four powers (Russia, Great Britain, Prussia, and Austria) did most of the work. Talleyrand realized that he was being excluded along with just about everyone else, but instead of moping about it like the only kid not invited to the birthday party, he crashed it instead. He walked into their negotiations, and through careful manipulation, made them all feel bad about what they had done, basically embarrassing the four most powerful states around. Then he sat down at the table and negotiated a sweet deal for France, blaming Napoleon for the wars and exonerating the French people so that they could keep their country, effectively installing France as a fifth great power and helping to lay the groundwork for the Concert of Europe. Which, as it turns out, was unfortunately not the greatest music festival of the 19^th century, but instead a diplomatic gathering of powers that managed to keep Europe semi-peaceful until the eve of World War I.

But, as if that were not impressive enough, he managed all this with equal parts confidence, swagger, and raw sexuality. Literally, seeing as a one of the many tools in his political arsenal was sleeping around with the noblewomen. So, not only was he instrumental in the formation of the Concert of Europe, he was also the James Bond of nineteenth-century politics. Say hello to the OG Mr. Steal Yo Girl. (It should be noted that while I cannot be certain of Mr. Talleyrand's views, I would hope that each such encounter was completely consensual.)

Why does this matter, other than the fact that Talleyrand is my role model? It matters because we need him back. With tension mounting in the Crimea, (Second Crimean War, anyone?) North Korea becoming increasingly belligerent, (they tested another nuke?) and the whole mess that is the Middle East (see: Arab Spring, Iraq-Iran, Palestine-Israel, Pakistan-India) the world is in desperate need of a leader as adept as Talleyrand was. Granted, the present day is a very different world than the one inhabited by Talleyrand; American power is still largely unchallenged as a unipolar hegemon, while the 1800s were characterized by a functional balance of power between five states. However, that is about to change. Political theorists project that China could outstrip American military power and economic output in the next fifteen years alone, and that within the next fifty years, American hegemony will almost certainly be challenged. We need a Talleyrand to ensure that America will have a seat at the table when the metaphorical fan-hitting occurs, so that we will not lose our stake in world affairs. Although the state of international relations is quite different today, Talleyrand’s experience in diplomacy would make him an indispensable participant at, say, the upcoming G8 (G7? Sorry, Russia.) Summit, where he might be able to shame all our world leaders into conceding that they’ve been acting like children, or, if that won’t do, at least put a smile on Angela Merkel’s face by flirting with her.

For these reasons, I submit Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord as my nomination for World Leader, or at least the new UN Chairman. Other acceptable candidates include: Otto von Bismarck, Pericles, and George Washington.