Tufts Blogs

Altadena, California. A small town that looks like something out of a movie. Probably because it is. There have been many movies and TV shows that have filmed there, and you probably never knew. While some people may recognize it from a screen, I will always recognize it as home.

For 20 years of my life, I have been able to live in this beautiful place. There are many things that make Altadena special, but the most noticeable thing is the people. Altadena embodies what it means to be a community of love. Growing up in the Altadena/Pasadena area, one thing you notice early on is that it seems like everyone is related. Many families, especially black families, have lived in Altadena for multiple generations and have been pouring into community organizations for as long as they have been here. My parents did not grow up in the area, but that did not stop us from finding family in Altadena. Years of little league baseball, youth football, and other activities helped turn friends into family and make Altadena truly feel like home.

That made it all the more difficult to watch my home, the homes of so many people I love, and my entire childhood reduced to ashes.

The picture that is used for the header of this blog, is one I took from my back porch the evening before the fire. I remember taking this picture, and reflecting on how beautiful home is. Everything was normal, everything was calm. One of my favorite parts about college is each time I go home, I am reminded of how special it is. Cotton candy skies above the tree-lined streets that I grew up on. Beautiful Altadena. I had no idea that the next day would lead to one of the most shocking experiences of my life.

Over a month out from the Eaton Fire, I still do not think reality has set in. I still replay the day in my head, having the power go out and losing cell phone service. Seeing the fire race across the mountains Watching the fire out the back door of my house. Falling asleep and waking out to an increasingly strong smell of smoke. All the while we are unable to send/receive a text or call, watch the news, or receive an emergency notification. Every decision was made based on survival instincts. We were completely in the dark. We left home for the last time, inside a cloud of ash. The town I grew up in looked like something out of a movie once again, only this time the beauty was shrouded. An apocalyptic ride out of Altadena. 

I will never forget the feeling of going back to my neighborhood for the first time. No panic, worry, or sadness, just completely stunned. Nothing was recognizable. I kept repeating in my head that this was not the place where I grew up. Only one house made it. Everything I have ever known is gone, I do not think there is any way to know how to feel. 

The days and weeks following the fire all felt like one, and before I knew it, I was on my flight back to Boston. When I got back to school, a lot of people were shocked to see me. I kept hearing people say “I didn’t think you were gonna come back.” In all honesty, I never considered not coming back to school. I felt like the best thing for me was to get away from home, and in all honesty, after all that happened I felt like Tufts was exactly where I needed to go. So much of my life has become Tufts-centered. All of the clubs, and leadership roles have become an integral part of my life now. In many aspects, Tufts is home. 

However, I do better understand why people thought I would be back. Navigating school after all that has happened has been difficult, but still there is a lot to be thankful and grateful for. 

First, I would like to thank all that came to the aid of my family, whether it be through donations, kind words, or thoughts. I especially want to thank my Tufts communities for all the support they have given. I had not met with my advising dean prior to the fire, and it’s unfortunate that these were the circumstances of our first meeting, I could not be be more grateful and fortunate for how helpful she has been in this process. The Africana community and Center has always been a source of strength for me, and having that support has been pivotal for me daily. Finally, Student Support has been such a great resource for me, sharing all the resources available on the campus for my well-being. 

I have received a lot of questions about what I need, and honestly I do not always know. It varies by the day or week. Sometimes, it is good to have someone to talk to. Although I’m a very sociable person, I have always been an introvert, andI’ve noticed these tendencies have started to show themselves more. There are some times where space from people and time alone is best for me. I’ve come to see that the first part of my recovery journey is first learning how to be okay alone. However, it is difficult to communicate to some people that the best they can do for you is leave me alone. I care a lot about how others feel about me, and I do not want them to think the need for space is personal, but in times like this the most important thing is to put yourself and mental health first. 

If there is one thing that I am sure of, it is that Altadena will rebuild. The reason I chose not to show any photos of the damage caused by the fire is because that is not how I want to remember my home. While most people learned about Altadena watching it burn down on the news, I learned about it through living. Riding bikes through the neighborhoods, running around in parks as a kid, going on walks and hikes as a family; all ways that I came to know and love Altadena. It is a place with many stories and so much history that has been passed through the year. A place I cannot afford to lose. I know it will not be easy, but we will be back. There is no doubt in my mind we will see Beautiful Altadena again.