Conversations with Family Members About College
Looking ahead to the future is exciting, as so many possibilities await you! At the same time, talking with your family about future plans can be difficult. Planning for the future is an important step that can be a meaningful opportunity to grow together. You and your family may have different ideas about what’s best for you, and that’s okay. It’s normal for everyone to bring their own hopes, dreams, and concerns into the conversation.
My dream was to go to college because I was a first-generation student. Going to college was something my mother never had the chance to do. I wanted to leave busy New York City for a peaceful place with nature. I wanted to live in a residence hall and meet people from all over the world with whom I could form lifelong friendships. But I was raised in a single parent household, finances were tight, and planning for college was a dream that involved some barriers. These barriers meant I had to be practical and have tough conversations with my mother about my future.
As you plan for your future aspirations, have a chat (or many!) with your family members. Here is some of my advice to help you navigate these conversations with confidence and care:
1. Self-reflect to understand what you truly want.
When I was in high school, I had three things in mind: a college that met 100% demonstrated financial need, a strong liberal arts curriculum, and housing guaranteed all four years. I did lots of research on the colleges’ websites and watched YouTube videos. Doing more research will be beneficial in your decision process.
If you're aiming to go far, are you ready to step outside your comfort zone and embrace the independence that journey requires? One thing to consider is how you'll travel to your new college—especially if it's far from home. The farther you go, the harder it can be to bring all your belongings, and transportation costs like train or plane tickets—or even gas if you're driving—can add up over time, especially during academic breaks. These are important factors to keep in mind as you plan for college life.
On the bright side, living in a residence hall offers an incredible opportunity to grow. It’s a chance to learn independence and build life skills. Your professors won’t be reminding you daily to finish assignments, so you’ll learn how to manage your time, develop study habits, do laundry, and even learn how to cook if you're not on a meal plan. These are all valuable skills that will serve you well long after college.
Dorm life also makes it easier to meet new people. Being surrounded by other students in a shared space creates natural opportunities for friendships and community. It’s not just about where you live—it’s about who you become along the way.
Tip #1: Make a pros and cons list for each of the colleges you’re thinking about and see what fit factors are important to you. Will it be the majors and minors? Location? Campus life? Support resources? Or some of the hundreds of other qualities?
2. What do your parents/guardians think?
Talking about your future—especially your college plans—is a big step, and it’s perfectly normal for it to take more than one conversation. These discussions are ongoing, and that’s a good thing. It means you’re giving your goals the time, thought, and care they deserve.
When discussing your plans with your family members, listen with openness and understanding. What are some things they are concerned about or want for you that you didn’t consider?
Maybe they’re worried for your safety and happiness. They might be concerned about affordability and debt. Financial aid is among the biggest topics for families when selecting the best college fit.
Tip #2: If you and your family disagree on some things, it’s okay to pause, reflect, and do some research on your own. Then come back together, ready to talk about solutions, compromises, and new possibilities. These conversations can strengthen your relationship and help everyone feel more confident moving forward. You’re not alone on this journey. Your family wants the best for you and you’ll move forward—together.
3. Remember that college is what you make out of it.
If you commit to a college that wasn’t your top pick, remember—you always have options, including transferring if you feel it’s the right move for you. But keep in mind, most first-years struggle with adjusting to college. It’s part of the journey of adjusting to college workload, finding your support systems, your routine, and figuring yourself out. Give yourself time to settle in and embrace college with an open-mind, patience, and positivity. Don’t rob yourself of potential great memories you could’ve formed.
College is where you experience growth – academically and personally! You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are! It’s an investment, so make the most of your time there!
Tip 3: No matter where you end up, you can make that your best experience. Life post-high school doesn’t have to be linear, you go at your own pace and where you end up will be the right destination for you.