When I first came to Tufts, the idea of the "pre"-orientation seemed excessive. What more can a person get from adding another week to orientation? It took me four years to find an answer to that question. As a rising senior leading his second FOCUS group around Boston, I couldn't help but look at the first years and wonder that same question that I pondered as a soon-to-be freshmen. What does FOCUS mean to me?
My experience as a FOCUSer was, to the say the least, an interesting one. It was a fun week of volunteering and exploring my new home but other than that, it was just another experience. I did not feel a particularly strong connection to my leaders or my fellow FOCUSers and the end of FOCUS was just another thing that happened. As a result, I went to my second year as a support staffer with a chip on my shoulder. My goal from the moment I left my FOCUS group was to make sure that future FOCUSers had a better experience than I did. My time as a support staffer was, unfortunately, marred by the coordinators asking me to drive the rental vans alongside them as I was the only 20 year old in the group but this year was also the first time I was able to see FOCUS from an "outside looking in" perspective. I was able to witness the relationships that leaders were able to carve out with their first years and even create some lasting friendships in the process. Learning from the many amazing leaders in First Church helped me shape the expectations that I had for myself as a future leader. I strove to be the type of person that can impact future first year's lives in a truly formative manner. Now one step closer to becoming a leader of my own FOCUS group, I headed into my junior year with my partner, Kristina, to embark on this journey.
My first year as a leader was definitely an eye opening experience. Spending 6 days, 24 hours a day, with 9 other human beings in close proximity leads to many delightful experiences. I learned about the give and take of leading a group with a human being whom I have had a very surface level relationship prior to being paired up. I learned how to steel myself against unforeseen public transit mishaps, sleep deprivation, and anxiety over my performance as a leader. But even though I learned a lot from this experience, I felt that I had not really done my job the best of my ability. It was only this past week during my second year as a leader that I was able to feel that feeling for which I have been searching.
This year began with the overconfidence of a "FOCUS veteran". Although I did not forget that this program was for the first years and my role was to make this week the best that it possibly can be. This FOCUS week started off great, my first years got along well, my partner and I were totally in sync, and we were met with gorgeous weather. Every single day, Kristina and I saw these strangers become closer. These acquaintances became friends and then friends became best friends. Our sites allowed us to enjoy each other's company while at the same time learning about how each of operated both as humans and as teammates. But during this blissful week of unprecedented synergy, I could not help but feel like something was off, not within the group but with me. I felt like I was not getting everything that I wanted out of this week. It was a strange feeling to have because I knew that Kristina and I were doing a DOPE job being leaders.
It wasn't until the closing ceremony of the week when I realized why I had felt so bothered during what was supposed to be an amazing week. As I looked at my first years looking up at Kristina and I and as some of them teared up as we said our goodbyes before orientation, I realized that I had forgotten who this experience was supposed to be about. Them. Not me. This focus [pun unintended] on myself and my experience throughout the week took away from an experience that was supposed to be about helping first years develop one of their first new communities at Tufts. And so I found my reason. FOCUS to me, was and still is a realization that helping others feel like they belong is one of the most rewarding feelings I can have.