Study Breaks During Finals Week
Experiencing finals week as a freshman can be a little daunting at first but I found a great deal of support within the Tufts community where my peers…
This is a work of satire. Any similarity to persons or events is purely coincidental, and this is not a real obituary. Again, THIS IS SATIRE. Thank you for your cooperation.
Connor Rosenfeld's sense of humor, fun, and adventure died today at the tender age of 19. It is succeeded by Rosenfeld's corporeal form and all his other senses and attributes.
Rosenfeld, a sophomore at Tufts University in Medford, Mass. was known to his friends as a funny and outgoing young man. "He always had this sense of life in him, whether we wanted to go over to Dewick to grab a root beer float or have a snowball fight on the Rez Quad," said Rudolf Dempsey, Rosenfeld's roommate. "Now he just sits in the room, muttering about how he has to get an A in BIO 13," Dempsey added with a confused shrug.
Rosenfeld was a respected and accomplished member of Tufts' Class of 2016, topping his suite's MarioKart bracket as recently as November. He was heavily involved with Students for Justice in Playland (SJP) and the school's video game soundtrack gospel choir. In December, however, Rosenfeld's friends began to notice that "a certain something had gone out of him: he got angry more often and wouldn't even play Settlers of Catan," according to SJP Vice President of Ball Pits Mitch McGuire, "It's so sad. He looks like his old self, but there's nothing in there."
On December 8th, Rosenfeld refused to attend Sundae Sunday with his suitemates, saying that he needed to finish a paper. Dempsey immediately called the Tufts Emergency Medical Service (TEMS) to revive Rosenfeld's sense of whimsy and pleasure, but it was too late: not even the Tufts Dance Collective could save it, as they were caught-up the process of being de-funded, as well.
Connor Rosenfeld's playfulness and attitude of lighthearted abandon will be sorely missed.
The University has not yet released a statement on the unfortunate death of Rosenfeld's sense of vitality, curiosity, and joy, but a source inside the administration confirmed that those of other students' had also been dying at an alarming pace. However, the official declined to speculate on the cause of these deaths.
Experiencing finals week as a freshman can be a little daunting at first but I found a great deal of support within the Tufts community where my peers…