Tufts Blogs

Hi! So I know it’s been a while since my last blog post, but as a gesture of reconciliation I’ve made you a gift. Well, made something of the sort. Here’s the backstory:

Having sufficiently reveled in the dearth of responsibility I enjoyed over break, I returned to campus excited to reunite with friends, rejoin groups, and make the most of my grace period - that time in between the start of class and the start of work, alternatively known as syllabus week. This semester, a good chunk of this time was spent playing word games. Rejoice! 

Ignoring the cold truth that puns aren’t always the most welcomed of jokes, I’ve written you a story using a fun, pun-employing word game. A lousy reconciliation gift? Maybe, but it was easier than writing a schmaltzy “it’s been too long, my heart pines for thee” text. 

The story below is comprised of only “Tom Swifties,” a sort of sentential pun game involving adverbs and quotations. You’ll get the hang of it quickly. It was a group effort, shared over a toothsome brunch at Dewick dining hall one sunday morning. I hope you aren't more mad than you were before. 

“It’s so early and we have nothing to do,” she said mournfully. 

“I don’t think we have any boardgames,” he said cluelessly. 

“We could call Tom,” she said euphoniously. 

“Eh, I think he’s average,” he said meanly.

“Then let’s watch Star Wars!” she said forcefully.

“Nah, let’s sing Shenandoah,” he said currently. 

“I don’t know the words to that one,” she said humbly.

“We could just jam,” he said instrumentally. 

“I’m not that good at guitar,” she said fretfully. 

“Agreed, I’m really much better,” he said callously.

“Hmm, let’s not play music,” she said discordantly. 

“Fine. We could go to the aquarium downtown,” he said swimmingly. 

“Or the natural history museum,” she said indignantly.

“But the aquarium’s closer. We could walk,” he said stridently.

“I guess that’s true. Plus my favorite animal is the blue whale. It’s the largest,” she said superficially.

“These trees are so nice,” he said bewilderedly.

“Look out! A car!” she said entirely.

“HONK HONK” the car screeched emergently. 

“Oh no! My legs!” he said defeatedly.

“I’ll make you a tourniquet,” she said tightly.

“I’m too young to die!” he said unwillingly.

“Calm down, calm down. You’ll stop bleeding soon,” she said staunchly.

“Okay, but I don’t think I’m up for the trip anymore,” he said lamely.  

“I could try to carry you home,” she said handily.

“Thanks. On the upside, maybe we’ll make the paper,” he said impressively. 

“Yeah, but I was really looking forward to seeing the lobster,” she said crabbily.

“I was looking forward to the ferry ride,” he said sternly.

“Forget about it. The past is the past and tomorrow’s the future,” she said tensely.

“You’re my favorite conjoined twin,” he said biasedly.