Sometimes it’s fun to think back on the college application process. To remember the stress of the research. All of those hours spent analyzing every aspect of each school. Finding a teacher to write a recommendation letter. Rough draft after rough draft of the common app essay. And changing the format of my resume six times. But remembering this agonizing period of time would be a lot more fun if I weren’t currently reliving it.
A few days ago I submitted my first internship application, ever. I’ve held jobs before, but I’ve never needed to apply for them as competitively as I did for this internship. And I didn’t think it would be that hard. After all, writing is a lot easier for me now than it was in high school, and my resume is a lot fuller. I have more to offer and know more specifically what I’m looking for. But I was so, so wrong.
Let me clarify that I’m not saying it doesn’t get easier. This process was definitely easier than the college application process. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I started by reading several articles that described the do’s and don’ts of writing a resume and cover letter, much like I did in high school. Almost all of them told me to keep me resume under a page, which then led to a ridiculously long email chain between my parents and I, in which we all tried rewording every sentence to make my resume shorter. And they say to make your cover letter both personal and professional, which is a fine balance I’ve never had to worry about before.
There’s the same paranoia that somehow between the time I closed my document and the time I attached it to the email, something got changed and there would be a typo I didn’t get to catch. And the same reading and re-reading of the body of my email over and over again before pressing send.
The post-application anxiety is still present, but it feels so good to relax a little bit, and not worry. Stress is not just in the moment of action, it pervades into daily life without you even realizing it. And pressing send just relieves so much of that stress. It’s funny to think of how much this process mirrors the college application process. Putting yourself out there never really ends, it just changes. And the waiting game is scary but it gets less and less daunting each time.
Much like many of you, I’m now in that post-application limbo. And honestly, I don’t mind it. There’s something beautiful in not knowing. There isn’t the disappointment in not getting the job, and there isn’t the pressure of needing to prepare for the job. It’s one of the few times that I get to let someone else worry about my life. And I’m going to enjoy it while I can.