After the show is when it got real nice and weird as it was time for the “Meet and Greet VIP Option” that I had dropped $40 extra on. After the show we were told to let the venue clear out and then wait by the stairs to go to the 2nd floor to wait for Mr. Boi. After we were let upstairs we hung out by the bar for about thirty minutes while Big Boi and his friends watched the end of the Atlanta Falcon’s game. Checking ESPN as I’m writing this it looks like ATL lost so I bet Big Boi probably wasn’t too thrilled about that.
During my down time I noticed a dude with a Chicago Hat and a green “performers and crew” wristband and because I’m super observant I was able to guess that he was with Real Talk. I asked him and he confirmed this. I was very excited to be right. We participated in small talk for a few minutes in which I found out that he currently works in NYC for MTV doing reality TV. Apparently he is currently working on the new season of Teen Mom 2 because apparently there has been more than one season of Teen Mom 2. Don’t ask me, I haven’t followed that garbage since high school when I figured out that if you read books instead of watching mindless VH1 or MTV reality shows for two hours a day you no longer get those headaches that feel like a worm is burrowing inside your skull. Knowledge is power.
Eventually we were told that we should go downstairs and wait in a line while the roadies carried Big Boi’s thrown to the front of the line. Big Boi himself made his way out a few minutes later and the crown grew anxious because we had all dropped $40 extra to be suckers and were trying to get some quality time with Big Boi. I was in the middle of the line and had to wait for a while but luckily DJ Swiff was meandering about and I managed to chat with him for a little bit. Swiff looks pretty derfy but he is in fact very cool and I found out that Killer Mike was supposed to come out and perform “The Whole World” with Big Boi but apparently he was “busy” which probably means he wasn’t kidding about watching Breaking Bad and found the finale to compelling to pause and get back on stage. Or maybe he passed out from dehydration, could be anything.
You gotta give it to Swiff for being so collected among the suckers, like one of the dudes in line actually went up to him and began rapping “Shine Blockas” a life-affirming song that Swiff produced, to him for way too long. I wonder how many times he has had a corny white dude do that. Probably like ten every tour. In bigger news Swiff told me that Outkast is touring in 2014, probably starting with festivals and stuff which is incredible if true but also there’s only like a 25% chance that it’s actually true. Anyway, if they do end up touring you heard it here first. Respect.
After a few more minutes of small talk with Swiff it was my turn to “Meet and Greet VIP Option” with Big Boi himself. It went by very quick and I remember it almost entirely so here it is:
Me: “General Patton…great to meet you.”
Big Boi (smiles): “Thank, aw man, yeah thanks.”
Big Boi then grabs my “Meet and Greet VIP Option” necklace thing they gave us and proceeds to sign it.
Me: “Oh you don’t…”
Big Boi: “What?”
Me: “So why did you change the name from this album from Daddy Fat Sax: The Soul Funk Crusader cause that would have been, err, that will be the greatest album title of all time.”
Big Boi: “Aw yeah, man see what happened was once we got in the studio the album got a lot more electronic and so we felt that the title wasn’t real right you know?”
Me: “Oh yeah, that’s what I thought man…”
Big Boi: “Yeah.”
Me: “Here, let’s get some pix.”
I hand one of Big Boi’s friends my disposable camera and then take a knee next to his throne where he sits as Big Boi’s friend snaps a few pix. I probably look like an idiot but I haven’t seen the pix yet. After about three pix he attempts to hand me back the camera to which I reply:
Me: “Nah, go ‘head and snap a few more.”
Big Boi’s Tour Manager: “What you think this is a photoshoot?”
Me: “I was told this would be a photoshoot.”
At this point Big Boi laughs and my life is complete.
Big Boi’s Manager: “Nah man, get out of here.”
Me: “Yes sir. Big Boi, great to meet you.”
We dap up and I leave. All of the dialogue is 100% accurate.
I try to hang around a little bit but another tour guys promptly tells me I have to leave so I say goodbye to my Teen Mom 2 friend, dap up Sleepy Brown because Sleppy Brown was still chillin, then stroll out of the venue where who do I see but Real Talk, Other Opener, and Real Talk’s mom. I engage them in conversation for about ten minutes and they are all delightful people. I felt kinda bad cause I kept gassing Real Talk about how dope he was and didn’t even remember the other guy’s name. Real Talk even asked me if I wanted to buy his CD, which I did for $10 making me a $50 sucker for that night. Actually nah, support local musicians. There’s only like five major artists whose CDs I would actually go to the store and buy (Kanye, J. Cole, Kendrick, Dan Deacon, and Big Boi) but I’ll cop a Krill album any day. ANY DAY.
So I finished my little chat with Real Talk, Ms. Real Talk, and Renegade Southern Eagle El Ray, unlocked my bike and went on my way. And that was that. I probably only got 90-120 seconds of total face time with Big Boi but I guess it was worth it? I’d say it was barely worth it, but by definition that means it was worth it. Maybe I’m not a sucker after all. Maybe. Either was I’d say it was a good time to try out the “Meet and Greet VIP Option,” lord knows I’ll probably never do it again. Definitely not for $40.