Independence can be a funny thing. When you first come to college, it is definitely exhilarating. Not having to wake up at 6 AM every day (unless you want to), having the ability to have complete control over your own schedule, and being able to leave campus at any point for any reason – these are things I would dream about in high school, and as a college freshman they all came true instantaneously. But after a while, it can also get a little overwhelming, and this takes some adjusting to get used to.
As a rising senior, I like to think that I’ve pretty much mastered this whole independent living thing. I can balance classes and extracurriculars, I do my laundry almost as often as I should, and apart from finals week I have a pretty good social life. But this summer, I was thrown into new territory. I am a Tufts Summer Scholar, meaning that I am conducting a 10-week independent project that culminates in a poster presentation. My project is community health-based, and it fits really well with my interests in medicine and public health. However, it is entirely self-driven. I make my own deadlines, decide when and where I want to work, and the only supervision I have is a weekly check-in meeting with my advisor for about 30 minutes. Compound this with applications to medical school and the fact that I am living off-campus without a meal plan for the first time, and my system was thrown into haywire.
Thoughts of waking up at 7 AM every day to get in a quick run followed by a healthy breakfast flew out of the window when I discovered how difficult it is to motivate yourself as your own boss. The yummy dinners I had envisioned myself making suddenly became cereal, hard-boiled eggs, and pasta. And the trendy cafes I had imagined myself working in were actually pretty difficult to concentrate in.
It’s been about a month into the summer now, and I’m finally beginning to settle in properly. To my immense horror I discovered that I was most productive in the library, so even though I had promised myself that I would not re-enter that building until the fall, I find myself there most days of the week. (Disclaimer: it’s actually pretty nice during the summer, especially since it has AC and a café with snacks!) I’m trying to find easier recipes to make so that they are less daunting, and have learned that frozen vegetables and bulk cooking are my friends. I also make an effort to schedule any meetings I have in the mornings to help myself get up on time.
I’m beginning to understand that I’ll probably never have everything perfectly figured out – for instance, I still haven’t figured out the secret to making myself want to go to the gym – but I’ve realized that no one really does. It’s a small comfort, but it definitely makes this whole ‘adulting’ thing a little less scary.