College Conversations #2
College conversations for seniors—now what?
As parents we often feel the same range of emotions our children feel during stressful times. During this college decision season it is no different. We get anxious, worried, elated, disconcerted and confused just like our sons and daughters.
As a mom who has been there, I have some suggestions for Families of High School seniors:
Take a deep breath.
Some students have already heard from Early Decision, Early Action and Rolling Decision schools and we know that for all the other students, the waiting is torturous. I can attest to the fact that we are spending every waking hour reading applications and in meetings in order to make the best possible decisions – hang in there!
Parents -your role is to step back and support your child. The admission decision is not a reflection on your parenting –how you react, is. Give your son or daughter space to absorb all of the decisions, to process the news. Be available for hugs, support & guidance...
College Conversations
For Juniors and their parents who are just beginning the college process:
As parents we know that communication is critical. Somehow the college process can throw all we know right out the window. What happens when our children grow up and the ‘c’ (college) word is mentioned? We put our hopes & dreams on the line, we think about our own lives and what we would change if we could do it all again, we project our own aspirations into the equation – how can we not?
As a mom who has been there, I have some suggestions for sons & daughters, mothers & fathers
You have time to ponder, discern, research, dream.
Pick ONE day a week when you will discuss the college process (the remaining six days are off limits for college talk). As a family, make a pact and stick to it. If you know when you will be talking about college the whole family will have time to prepare. Younger siblings can run for the hills, parents can be more thoughtful about the questions, suggestions, impressions they want to...
Words of Wisdom
Last Friday evening I had dinner with ten other Moms of college freshmen. We enjoyed the opportunity to re-connect, to hear about our sons and daughters, and we reminisced. Where we were a year ago? The emotional nature of the admission process was something we all experienced and had palpable memories. We remember that for parents of high school seniors this is a time of mixed feelings:
anxious - Will our daughter meet the looming deadlines? Will she apply to schools where she will be happy and appropriately challenged?
frustrated - Why doesn’t my daughter listen to my suggestions?
awkward - How do you tell family, friends, and acquaintances --- especially over Thanksgiving turkey, that the overwhelming pressure they feel to hijack every conversation to make it about college isn’t helpful or productive?
overwhelmed - Will everything work out financially? Will she have options?
excited - What a wonderful opportunity for her.
humble - Her college choices are in no way a reflection...