Essays That Matter: Brendan Fleig-Goldstein
Doane Stuart School
Cornwallville , NY
College of Liberal Arts
I have always had the intense feeling of how utterly strange it is to exist. I have also always had the inkling that there is an in-group of people out there, somewhere, that knows how the world really works. What makes me tick is my desire to infiltrate this group. My life so far has been an attempt at this infiltration, a search for people I feel are card-carrying members. I love lying on my bed reading the words of esoteric mystics, philosophers, occultists, and holy men. Sri Ramakrishna says that we should all wake up every morning and pronounce that we are God. Madame Blavatsky wants me to believe that occultism is an illusion made real by believing in it. Carl Jung, when asked if he believed in God, replied that he does not believe in God's existence because he knows God exists. In these readings I see agreement, as well as divergence. I have abandoned, re-examined and entertained a number of different styles of thinking, many of which are seemingly contradictory. At times, this has led me to frustration, and I question if the in-group actually has the answers. But this does not discourage me. It isn't about the final answers; I want to explore the mystery. I want to celebrate the mystery. I want to take as many classes as I can, go as many places as I can, participate in as many different religious rituals as I can, and become a card-carrying member.